Stay The Fuck Away From My Free Fluoride, You Creepy Fuck. An Open Letter to RFK Jr.

Dear Robert Francis Kennedy Jr,

Knock it the fuck off.

I know that is starting a bit strong, but seriously, keep your greasy fuckin’ stubbers off my fluoride.

Ok, that was also a bit aggressive. Look, it is no secret that we here at Risky.Kitchen appreciate a nice cold glass of public utility pipe water. And for good reason! It tastes delicious. It is a gentle kiss upon your wallet in an era where every trip the grocery store is a vertible fist-fucking. Most importantly, it makes your teeth strong as hell and acid-resistant. Your teeth are ready to fight certain types of dragons after some fluoride.

Big teeth buff. What is not to like?

I need my teeth. I need them for many things but mainly mastication. Dear space daddy above, do I love to eat. And when you fuck with the fluoride you are indirectly fucking with my ability to shovel garbage into my ever-hungering craw.

And I cannot abide that.

I know you think you’re on a roll after the “ban” on food dyes. Which seems like a real broken-clock situation to me, but I’m willing to give you that win. Because everything else you’ve done has been apeshit insane so far.

So take that W. Hang your hat on the food dyes thing and leave the fluoride where it belongs: in the public drinking water.

For me to drink. All day. Constantly.

Love,

Risky.Kitchen

PS: Utah, you little kiss-ass, I see you. Don’t think I don’t. You reap what you sow, Utah. Remember that. Dentists about to be flocking to you to make their bank. And they’re gonna. Mark my words. Wait, is that the plan? Is there a dentist shortage in Utah? Am I being played? Are the Utahns outsmarting me?

Surely not.