Odey On The Roady - Bard's Burgers And Chili

ODEY BOOM BOOM REPORTING LIVE FROM BEAUTIFUL COVINGTON, KENTUCKY. IT IS A CRISP DECEMBER DAY. I AM STANDING OUTSIDE OF A BUILDING. THE BUILDING HAS A SIGN WITH WORDS ON IT BUT I CANNOT READ THEM. IN THE BUILDING IS A MAN. THE MAN MAKES BURGERS. LARGE BURGERS. THESE BURGERS TRANSCEND WORDS. THE WORDS ON THE SIGN DO NOT MATTER AS LONG AS THE BURGERMAN IS HERE MAKING THE BURGERS.

WHEN I LICK THE AIR OUTSIDE THIS BUILDING, MY TONGUE COMES BACK WETTER THAN BEFORE. I AM GAINING WEIGHT JUST BY BREATHING THIS BURGER AIR AND I LOVE IT.

I CANNOT REMEMBER A TIME BEFORE THIS FATMOSPHERE. I DO NOT WANT TO.

THE BURGERMAN MAKES MANY BURGERS. SOME OF THE BURGERS HAVE GOOEY YELLOW STUFF ON THEM. I LIKE THOSE BURGERS. SOME OF THE BURGERS HAVE FLOPPY GREEN THINGS AND TASTESLESS RED CIRCLES ON THEM. I DO NOT LIKE THOSE BURGERS AS MUCH.

ONE OF THE BURGERS IS A SPECIAL BURGER. IT COMES WITH TWICE AS MUCH BURGER AS THE OTHER BURGERS. IT IS THE ALPHA BURGER. ALL OF THE OTHER BURGERS FEAR IT. I SNORTED AT IT AND IT DID NOT FLINCH. TRULY IT IS A STRONG BURGER. ON TOP OF THE ALPHA BURGER ARE STRIPS OF CRISPY BELLY MEAT. ON TOP OF THE BELLY MEAT IS A FRIED BIRD EGG. SOME MIGHT SAY THAT IS EXCESSIVE. I DO NOT. IT IS CESSIVE. I LIKE THIS BURGER THE BEST. IT IS THE BEST BURGER.

I HOPE THE BURGERMAN THINKS I AM A GOOD BOY SO THAT HE WILL GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE OF THE GOOD BOY BEST BURGERS.

THE BURGERMAN IS NOT THE ONLY MAN. THERE ARE OTHER MEN. ONE OF THE OTHER MEN IS THE FRYERMAN. HE IS NOT THE BURGERMAN SO HE DOES NOT MAKE THE BURGERS. HE MAKES TASTY FRYER FOOD TO EAT WITH THE BURGERS. IT IS AN IMPORTANT JOB. HE IS AN IMPORTANT MAN. HE PUTS HIS FRYER FOOD NEXT TO THE BURGERS. THROUGH HIS LABORS YOU CAN EAT TWO THINGS AT ONCE. THAT IS TWICE AS GOOD AS EATING ONE THING AT ONCE. I KNOW THAT IS HARD MATH TO FOLLOW. TRUST ME. HE IS A GOOD MAN. HE DOES A GOOD THING.

THE FINAL MAN IS THE DESSERTMAN. HE IS SIMILAR TO THE FYERMAN, BUT HE MAKES SWEET THINGS TO EAT AFTER THE BURGERS AND THE FRYER FOOD. HE DEEP FRIES THINGS THAT I DID NOT KNOW COULD BE DEEP FRIED. I SAW HIM DEEP FRY A COOKIE. I SAW HIM DEEP FRY A CAKE FILLED WITH CREME. HE IS A MAN WHO BELIEVES THE LIMITS OF DEEPFRYING HAVE YET TO BE REACHED. THE DESSERTMAN COMMANDS RESPECT.

I AM PROUD OF HIM FOR DEEPFRYING THE UNKNOWN. HE IS A PIONEER AND AN ARTIST.

THIS IS A GOOD PLACE. I AM GLAD I CAME TO THIS BUILDING AND ATE ITS BURGERS. YOU SHOULD COME HERE AND PARTAKE OF THE BURGERMAN AND THE FRYERMAN AND THE DESSERTMAN’S ENDLESS BOUNTY. THEY ARE GOOD MEN. THEY MAKE GOOD FOOD. I WILL BE SAD TO LEAVE HERE.

ODEY SCORE: 9/10 SNORTS