More Stoner-themed Marketing Ideas For Our Friends At Smucker's

Welcome to another unsanctioned collab with our best-friends-if-only-they’d-acknowledge-our-existence: Smucker’s.

As we’re sure you’re aware, the Smuck (they do not like it when we call them that) purchased Hostess at the tail end of 2023 and apparently things have not been super great for the sponge cake barons since.

So what do you do when your snack cake business that you most likely overpaid for is flailing? Zombieland 3 ain’t happening and we don’t even think they mentioned Twinkies in Zombieland 2. If Hollywood isn’t going to bail you out, the next stop is obvious: the rapidly growing population of marijuana enthusiasts.

Enter the Munchie Mobile.

While a colorful van full of Twinkies that hangs out outside dispensaries is a good start, we here at Risky.Kitchen have a few more ideas to help Daddy Smucky (they do not like it when we call them that, either) turn this Hostess mess into a delicious, if minorly paranoid, success.

Twinkie: Tie-Dye Edition

Ditching the iconic, slightly sickly, yellow exterior may seem heretical at first, but Chocolate Twinkies exist. So the precedent is there.

Also, Hostess already teased this idea once back in 2019. As a joke. And not on April 1st. They did it in July. Did something happen in July 2019 that would have prompted this? That is back in the before-times and we here at Riksy.Kitchen really don’t remember anything before 2020 anymore.

Anyway, turn that oddly-timed meme from dream to reality. You’ve already got the marketing materials. Easy win.

THC-Infused Ding Dongs

Ding dong. Who’s there? Insane profits, that’s who.

The only thing better than wolfing down three of these bite-sized bastards is wolfing down three of these bite-sized bastards and then wolfing down three more of them because you got so high you forgot about the first three.

Exponential revenue from drugging your consumer into an endless Memento-like loop of snacking? Yes please.

Baby Bundts & Baby Blunts

This last one is so obvious we’re a little surprised it wasn’t included with the whole Munchie Mobile concept in the first place. Partner with a pre-rolled company of your choice and slip one of those bastards into every package.

“But what about the children?!”, you’re probably saying. Not our problem. Simple as. We’re here to get the ball rolling, we can’t put it in the hoop for ya too.

Or goal.

We’re here to get the ball bouncing? And then the hoop. Wait…if it’s rolling then it goes…no wait, bouncing…

You know, we don’t even remember how a ball got involved in all of this in the first place. Just put the blunts in with the bundts. Just do that.